Sunday, December 11, 2011

Personality Boundaries


December 6, 2011

One of the last nights of my Tibet tour, I had a great conversation with my roommate, Marieke, about our plans after the end of this trip. I don’t remember the exact wording, but paraphrased it went something like this:
Marieke: I really hope I’m able to do some more traveling by myself someday. I feel like you experience so much more solo. Like on buses, if you were with someone, you would just talk to your friend, but solo you talk to all the people sitting around you and learn so much more.
Me: I think the opposite might actually be true for me. I’m not naturally a very good traveler; I don’t pick up language easily, I have no sense of direction, and when I’m lost, I look lost, which tends to get me into trouble. I think there are a lot of things I don’t do solo that I would do if I had a good travel buddy.
Marieke: That is so cool that you recognize that about yourself and say it with such comfort.
Me: What do you mean?
Marieke: Our society values certain personality traits, and sometimes people who don’t have them feel badly about that. Which is silly, because there is nothing wrong with the way they are. I think it’s cool that you know yourself well enough to say you’re not a natural traveler and that you’re happy with that.

A bit later, I realized that Marieke had just put eloquent (and flattering!) words to what made this trip so amazing for me. Spending three months 7,700 miles from my friends and family gave me the space to sit with and manipulate the boundaries of my personality. I discovered many varieties of boundaries, but the two I was most interested in were (1) rigid boundaries that I am much happier if I just accept and (2) malleable boundaries that I always thought were rigid but are not!

(1)  Rigid boundaries are those that are fundamental to my personality and are unlikely to change within my lifetime. Fighting against these boundaries makes me miserable, and I have officially given up the fight. The two best examples in my life are:
·       Food and sunshine have a huge impact on my mood. 90% of the times I am grumpy, if I just eat something it goes away. Why do I fight this so hard? I guess I used to think “Ugh, how sad that my mood is not strong enough to handle being hungry;” but now I think “How awesome that something as cheap and accessible as a granola bar and a spectrum light can keep me smiling!” So, in the spirit of putting this acceptance into practice, I withdrew my grad school application to Illinois and always always always carry a snack with me.
·       I have absolutely no sense of direction. Lonely Planet maps give me just enough information to be dangerous. Sometimes I can keep on the right path if I know where I am on the map to begin with, but I lose my way as soon as I get in a vehicle or stop for a meal. It seems then I always head off in the wrong direction. Or think I went the wrong direction, only to turn around and discover that it was the original direction was correct. So why the heck do I not carry a compass with me?! This is just foolishness. Not having a compass is not going to make me better with maps, it is just going to continue to frustrate me.
(2)  I had to push against those boundaries to conclude they are indeed fixed. But sometimes, happily, if you push against a rigid boundary, it turns out to me malleable! These were the most fun finds for me, when I thought something was true about myself and then it turned out I could change it. I think we just get such a firm self-view sometimes, frequently influenced by the reflection of ourselves we get from loved ones, and some space from that is necessary to investigate whether certain traits are fundamental or not. My favorite new discoveries are:
·       I am not, in fact, a rigid, control freak type. Somehow in the last few months the “ke garne” attitude has entered my bloodstream and I have discovered a flexible, easy-going part of myself I didn’t know existed. This has been made very clear by the two group tours I did recently (Tibet and the Great Wall), where members of my group got incredibly irritated when the plans changed and I was baffled. To me, it was like, “Eh, not the way I thought it would be, but this is still awesome! Why would I let a little change spoil my fun?!” I think getting upset about a change in plans is more likely to spoil a trip than the change in plans itself.
·       My approach of eating whatever was put in front of me this trip has been very beneficial. I can put aside my picky eating when I need to! I’m likely to stick with my favorite foods at home still, but I know for sure that eating weird things will not kill me.
·       My place on the introvert/extrovert scale I think is more flexible than Meyers-Briggs would have me believe. After this trip, I genuinely believe that I can be energized by being alone OR being with people. The trick, I think, is adopting the right attitude about it and seeing the benefit of having both in your life.

Part of me wishes I had been more deliberate about this boundary testing. It definitely happened without prompting, but could I learn more if I intentionally pushed some of them? What would happen if I did something involving children in the spring? Would this be just bad for the kids and bad for me, or might I learn I have some semblance of a nurturing side deep down? Hmmm…

Seven Days in Tibet

December 3, 2011

Tourism in Tibet is always a bit unstable. Three months ago, no foreign tourists were allowed in the region, and now you may only enter if you come with an organized tour. I decided now was the time to see Tibet, since who knows what the future will hold. At first, it was hard for me to readjust to being around people, having spent so much of the last three months alone. I was so used to only paying attention to people talking when they are speaking English (because that’s how I know someone is talking to me) and the rest of the time just observing. Mealtime the first couple of days was really overwhelming for me. I think I heard more English in the first day of this trip than I have the whole rest of my travels. Luckily, I had a fabulous roommate, a nice and friendly Dutch girl named Marieke and I slowly reentered the verbal world.
Me and Marieke on the way to Lhasa
Overall, my adventure in Tibet was fabulous. I really enjoyed seeing the countryside (flying straight into Lhasa just wouldn’t be the same), all the monasteries, and the Tibetan people. I felt in Tibet how most Texans must feel in Colorado—cold and short of breath. Tibet is much more what I expected of the Himalayas than the parts of Nepal I visited. Almost the entire region is over 12,000 feet, much of it barren in the winter. I spent most of the drive thinking, “Oh my gosh, how does anyone sustain life out here?” The short answer is they don’t. Most Tibetans are farmers or nomadic, and during the wintertime they migrate to Lhasa.
Typical Tibetan landscape
Day One: Kathmandu to Neyalam
I’ve always thought that US Customs was pretty intense—turns out it doesn’t hold a candle to the customs process trying to enter China through Tibet. Before we arrived at the border, our guide told us that if we have anything about Free Tibet (even as simple as a Tibetan flag) or the Dalai Lama (even a guide book with a picture of him in it), there was a good chance we would be turned away (especially if were American, apparently we’re trouble makers). In addition, customs officers will confiscate anything else they deem “threatening.” I had a book of speeches by the Dalai Lama that I had to leave in Nepal and then a CD of Buddhist chants I had purchased was confiscated because the title had the word “Tibetan” in it. All Lonely Planet guides in my group, China or Nepal, were confiscated because the maps inside are label the boarder “Tibet” instead of “China” and there is some mention of the political instability in the region. Wowzer. My whole group of 17 made it through without much problem and I was very pleased to have a guide to herd us through the process.

Since customs takes so long, we didn’t see much of Tibet the first day. The terrain is identical on either side of the boarder but you can immediately tell you are no longer in a developing country. Paved roads are the most amazing things in the world. Or maybe second to hot showers.
From the boarder, we drove up to the valley rim, then to our guesthouse in Neyalam at 10,800 feet.

Day Two: Neyalam to Lhatse
This was a big driving day—we drove over two huge passes, many small clusters of houses (villages?) and had Everest views most of the day. All Tibetan houses have the exact same design. They are concrete, painted white, blue and red (always in the same pattern). The white symbolizes compassion, the red, wisdom, and the blue, peace and protection. On a corner of the roof, each house has a pole of prayer flags and each Tibetan New Year they put a new set up.

The two passes we drove over were 15,150 and 15,744 feet, which really put the whole 14er thing in a new perspective. I was in prayer flag heaven in Tibet: the tops of the passes are just covered in them. It’s gorgeous and kind of a nice parallel to the Continental Divide signs at the top of Colorado passes.
love.
Oh yeah, and then there was Everest.
Everest is the big one on the left.
The second night we stayed in Lhaste at 12,150 feet. I had a miserable time acclimatizing. I guess my body’s oxygen threshold is somewhere between 8,850 feet (Fraser) and 12,150 feet. And I remember just enough about HAPE and HACE to completely freak myself out. It was a rough night.

Day Three: Lhatse to Xigatse
Day Three was a nice mellow three-hour drive to Xigatse, the second largest city in Tibet sitting at 11,700 feet. You drive through kilometer after kilometer of barren land, and then all of a sudden there’s this huge city! Xigatse is the home of the Tashilumpo Monastery.
No pictures inside Tibet monasteries
Before the Cultural Revolution, Tashilumpo was home to 4,000 monks; today there are about 500. Some highlights about Tashilumpo:
  • The Monastery is well known for having one of the largest Buddha statues in the world, sitting at 36 meters tall.
  • There are a ton of temples and such around the monastery, each housing different deities. There are statues of compassionate Buddha, long life Buddha, wisdom Buddha, etc, etc. Our guide attempted to explain why there are so many deities in a zero-theistic religion: Tibetan Buddhists believe in a divine power that is mostly internal (our guide estimated 80-90% of divinity resides within us) but they use the different Buddha statues as a way to “charge up” when they need help in an area. He used the example of himself: “If I was wanting a long life, I would go to Long Life Buddha and say “Oh Buddha, help me see the path to longer life.” But Buddha would say, “Stop smoking you dummy.” So you see, the different Buddhas can help us in weak times, but we have to take the steps ourselves too.” Heehee. I liked our guide.
  • Our timing was wonderful and we were outside the assembly hall as the monks were all called to assembly. At first, I thought I would feel like we were intruding but the monks were just as interested in us as we were in them. The monks weren’t allowed anywhere near the women (as our guide said, “monk see a pretty lady and maybe he forgets about wisdom seeking”) but especially the younger monks seemed to get a kick out of putting on a show for us. It felt a lot like a boarding school, just instead of intellectual growth, the focus is spiritual growth.
Little monk trying to hit the hat off the heads of other monks using his cape. 
Day Four: Xigatse to Gyantse
We drove a short two hours to Gyantse, at 11,850 feet. Gyantse has another monastery, the Pelkhor Chode, which I don’t really remember, and the Kumbum Chorten fortress, which was closed renovations.
Pelkhor Chode 
Kumbum Chorten
Day Five: Gyantse to Lhasa
This was a big driving day, eight hours to Lhasa at 10,950 feet. We went over two passes, the higher of which was 15,030 flanked by a 21,670 foot mountain and a 18,708 foot mountain. We also drove around this really gorgeous turquoise lake and the Kharola glacier.
One of the passes
18,703 feet taller than me.

Day Six and Seven: Lhasa
Lhasa quite an emotionally conflicting place.  When you first drive in, the Chinese elements are completely overwhelming. I felt like I wasn’t in Tibet anymore; most of the city seems like just electronics stores, restaurants and autoparts shops. The Chinsese influence continues to be quite disturbing as you walk around the more historical parts of Lhasa (the middle, around the Barkhor Square area near Jokhang—China has just build all around old Lhasa): the military presence is more overwhelming in Lhasa than when I was in Russia. On every corner, there are men in full camo with machine guns watching the crowd. Then you look up, and see the cameras on every corner. And look up further and see the snipers positioned on the rooftops. It’s terrifying.
But, on the other hand, Lhasa is also an aw-inspiring place to visit, because in spite of 60 years of Chinese oppression, Tibetan culture is still palpable. All over the city, both the modern and historic parts, you see Tibetans circumambulating and spinning their prayer wheels and even prostrating the last few kilometers to Jokhang. The resilience of the Tibetan sprit is undeniable.
Camera...
Snipers.
You can’t take pictures inside any temples/monasteries in Tibet, so the pictures are kind of lack-luster, but we spent two days sight seeing in Lhasa. We saw Potala Palace, the Jokhang temple, the Drepung Monastery and the Sera Monastery. The other hard thing is that the Chinese government very closely regulates the information our guide could share with us, so I always felt like I was missing half the story. Not that I can ever remember the history facts anyways. I linked to Wikipedia in case anyone is more of a history buff than me.

Potala is what I am sure you all picture when you think of Lhasa. Potala was built by the 5th Dalai Lama in 1645, and actually contains two different palaces: the red palace, an area for spiritual study for the leaders of Tibet, and the white palace, for secular uses, both living spaces for spiritual leaders and government activities. Much of the guts of the Palace were destroyed during the Cultural Revolution, but the building itself was saved by international intervention. I actually didn’t really like visiting Potala, because it was like bumper car tourism: each day, the Palace is visited by around 5,000 people and was jam-packed the day we visited. Though December is the off-season for tourism, it is the peak season for religious pilgrims (since they don’t farm in the winter). Each pilgrim stops in front of each deity to make an offer, either small sums of cash or butter to add to the butter lamps. Our guide was allowed to weave in and out of people and cut lines with us, which just made me more uncomfortable with the situation.
Potala Palace
Yak Butter Lamp
Jokhang Temple: 
Jokhang is the most sacred Buddhist temple in Tibet and most Tibetans make a pilgrimage there regularly from the farthest reaches of the region. As a result, the place was packed and the lines were huge. Again, I really did not like cutting the lines with the tour group. Jokhang was built by a Tibetan king around 640 to honor his two wives—one from China and one from Nepal, both of whom brought Buddha statues as part of the dowries. The statues were housed at the Temple until the Cultural Revolution. My favorite part of this visit was getting to see the prostrators from the roof of the Temple. I haven’t been able to learn exactly what they are doing, the guide just responds, “praying,” but it is amazing to watch.
Prostrating outside Jokhang
Drepung Monastery: 
Drepung used to be the biggest monastery in the world and home to 7,700 monks, but now only holds a few hundred (only 40% of the monastery buildings remain). There have been a lot of major protests here and the monastery is often closed. This was the last place we visited—I think I was monastery-ied out and spent most of the time looking at the pretty painted rocks and people watching.

Sera Monastery: 
Sera was my favorite thing we visited in Lhasa. A good chunk of the monastery was destroyed during the Cultural Revolution, and it now houses only about 500 monks compared to the 6,000 that used to live there. Sera had some great sand mandalas on display and an old-style printing press for Buddhist sutras. But the best part was visiting the debating courtyard. For two hours every day, the monks gather and quiz each other on the topics they are studying, from Buddhist philosophy to science, history or geography. I have no clue how the practice developed, but it is quite the dramatic process. A monk or two sits on the ground (the student) and another monk stands above him (the teacher, but apparently they take turns). The teacher then yells loudly at the student, and when it is the student’s turn to respond, the teacher smacks his hands together violently and stomps the ground. If the student responds correctly, it continues; if not, there is another set of complicated and violent looking gestures that follow. I think this is how I will TA my classes in grad school.



From Lhasa, I took a 45-hour train ride to Beijing, so I guess technically I was in Tibet for 8 days, but then I would have missed the Brad Pitt reference.

Simple Joys of a Bell Pepper


November 29, 2011

I had a wonderful moment today: I was sitting on my bed in a hotel room in Tibet eating a raw bell pepper for lunch and smiling to myself. It may not sound all that exciting, but it was exactly what I wanted to be doing that instant. Later, I was reflecting on the day and I realized that many of my favorite days in Nepal were those filled with simple joys and the immense pleasure of feeling completely content with my life.

This is the skill I am most proud to have cultivated over the past 18 months: the ability to identify and acquire exactly what would me happy. Interestingly, I got the hang of the acquire bit before the identify bit. I guess self-efficacy comes more naturally to me than self-awareness. And learning the self-awareness came hand in hand with ceasing to apologize for wanting what I want and accepting that “because it makes me happy” is a good reason. Sometimes it may be little short-term things, like lime green bed sheets or a fresh bell pepper for lunch, and sometimes it may be big long-term things, like leaving my perfectly wonderful job for a year of unknown adventures, but I think that the success of my life will be judged by this standard:
To what extent does the life I am leading at this moment match the life that would make me the happiest.

At the end of my life, I hope to look back and see more moments on the positive end of that Likert scale than the negative end. That, for me, is to have succeeded. 

Nepal Greatest Hits

November 24, 2011

As a recap of my time in Nepal, here is the trip I would recommend if anyone ever wants a two-week non-trekking trip to Nepal. If you want to go trekking, wait ‘til I’m done with my PhD and I’ll come with you, heehee.

Start: Janakpur
If you’re coming up through India, there is a boarder crossing at Jaleswar. If you fly into Kathmandu, connect straight to Janakpur. Starting a trip in Kathmandu is a hard way to go. One night is probably enough in Janakpur, but the Janaki Mandir and all the ponds are worth checking out.

From Janakpur, take a bus to Hetuda then transfer to a bus to Sauraha. In my opinion, if you can, it is worth splurging on a all-inclusive resort inside Chitwan because Sauraha is not particularly exciting. I did a 2 night-3 day package and had a great time. Make sure to stay somewhere with elephant bath time, the best thing in the world.

You can get a tourist bus from Chitwan to Lumbini, or take a public bus to Butwal and then switch to a Lumbini bound bus. Lubmini only requires one night, but is definitely worth checking out. Also, it is rapidly being developed so will get better with time I think. Make sure to go all the way to the World Peace Pagoda, which remains one of my favorite spots in Nepal.

From Lumbini, it’s a straight shot north to Tansen. Two nights is a good amount in Tansen, and there is a helpful tourist office there (the only one in Nepal) to provide activity suggestions.

From Tansen, you can get a bus in the morning to Pokhara. Three nights in Pokhara would be good, and it’s a good place to stay and relax if you wanted to stay longer. Be sure to go paragliding and boat over to the World Peace Pagoda.

On the way back from Pokhara, which you can do by public or tourist bus, stop at either Manakamana or Gorkha. Gorkha's got the best staircase in Nepal and Manakamana has a cable car with goat racks. Either way, one night is sufficient.

Finish: Kathmandu Valley
From there, you can take a tourist bus or a public bus to Kathmandu. I think three days in Kathmandu is plenty: Day One, go to Swayambhunath, Pashupatinath and Boudha. You can do this with public transportation very easily. Day Two, go to Bhaktapur. Day Three, go to Patan. Skip Thamel and Kathmandu Durbar Square. In fact, if you want to really enjoy your time in Kathmandu, don’t even stay in Kathmandu—book a hotel in Patan. It’s an easy 20-minute bus ride from Kathmandu.

Go forth and travel! And with that, I am on my way home, via Tibet and Beijing. See you December 11!

Pokhara

November 20, 2011

After Bandipur, my dad and I did not really see the sun or the mountains again. I learned what a bummer it is when the tourist draw of a city is views. The beautiful reflection of Annapurna on the Phewa Tal? Yeah, never saw that. But I was thankful that we did not fly further into the mountains as I had considered, because lots of tourists got stuck in Jomson and Lukla due to bad weather and they ran out of beds in the guesthouses. We spent five nights total in Pokhara, with a jaunt over to Tansen in the middle. Pokhara’s a great little town; it’s definitely touristy, but in kind of a nice way. For me, the highlights were (in order):

1. Quality time with my father. I think the period immediately after college is the equivalent of middle school for the parent-child relationship. It’s full of lots of growing pains, new interactions, and experiences that can be at times unbearably awkward, but when you get through it, the person (or in this case, relationship) that comes out the other side makes it all seem worth it. The ah-ha moment in the transition with my dad was fall 2010 when my friend Melissa asked me a really basic question about him that I no idea what the answer was. This was the moment I realized I had to stop expecting my dad and I to magically make the transition to parent-adult child relations and put as much effort and thought into it as I do all my other relationships. My dad’s two-week trip to Nepal, and especially our last three days in Pokhara, was a great culmination of a year of us trying to move into a new kind of father-daughter relationship. Perhaps Pokhara was the equivalent of eighth grade graduation. 
    Ok, I cheated, this isn't Pokhara, but it's cute!
    2. Paragliding! Oh yes, I, Elena Harman, formerly terrified of heights, went paragliding. I decided in the spirit of embracing life outside my comfort zone and pursuing historically neglected pursuits, it was time to leave the heights phobia behind. Of course, in the back of my mind, the memory of the last time I tried to will away my fear of heights was crystal clear: I ended up stuck at the top of a tree in Costa Rica in the rain.




    3. Gurkha Museum. Some of the museums in Nepal look like elementary science fairs. It makes me really sad sometimes, because they are really trying, but somehow it just don’t work, and then the entrance fee is only 50 rupees (about 60 cents) and I always want them to charge me some more. Case in point, the Natural History Museum in Kathmandu:
    Educational or creepy?
    Anyways, the Gurkha Museum in Pokhara is a diamond in the rough. It’s well curated, with a ton of great old photographs, and is quite educational. Since 1815, there have been a number of Nepali regiments within the British Army (and still are). Interestingly, Nepal was never a British colony, but during the border battles between the Nepal Army and the British East Indian Company, both armies developed a mutual respect and decided they would rather fight together. Basically Nepalis are now hired guns in the British army, and the salaries and pensions are generous, so every year thousands of young men compete for the positions. It’s an interesting contrast to scientific research. In scientific research, it is considered unethical to offer compensation at a level that would be difficult for potential participants to turn down, because doing so would take advantage of vulnerable populations. Yet we have militaries (still, in the 21st century) that rely on non-citizen regiments, compensated at persuasive levels. To me, this seems like a gross double standard, especially since the level of potential harm of war is much higher than most scientific research. Interesting.

    Gurkha Musuem